Diary Of A Army Wife

If I could write a letter to me....

I wish I could send it back in time to myself where life got complicated, back at about 15. I would prove it was me and point out all the things in my life that are going on... I'd tell myself not to let go of my first love so fast and never give up on my grandfather who is sick and dying of cancer. Stop giving your parents a hard time cause I know its not going to get myself anywhere, we can make it through this life in one piece. I would say we are doing good so far cause I am sitting here writing... I must say cherish all those memories that you hated to do with your family and friends, cause now that I am older there is nothing. And oh you got so much going for you in life and when you get pregnant your going to be so scared, but know that everyone calms down and they are there for you. Oh my, your son is so beautiful, it will probably be the most painful experience in life, but the by far best memory you will ever have. You will be scared and want to give up, and the you will be so happy you didn't - I promise. A few year later you will get pregnant again with a babygirl and you will think you can't do two kids at once. But your mother sits by you the whole time, yep our mom is simply amazing. She stand by the whole pregnancy, takes you to appointments and is right there wiping your head with a towel and giving you ice chips... she holds your hand and tells you that you can do it and your a awesome mommy. The very first thing said when you that babygirl takes her first breath will be "Jenn I am so proud of you, she is beautiful". Please know that you do a awesome job. It's tough with Brad going away but you manage to keep strong with help from the family. The most important person you need at that time is those beautiful kids of yours and your mother. Please don't burn any bridges as you will regret it, and when it comes down to leaving to move, hug her and tell her just how much you love her, cause it will be awhile till you see her again.....

I can't go much further with my letter to myself... I took it from the song by Kenny Chesney - Letter to me.... It was a pretty damn good idea. But to continue about the past....

I must say the past was a long hard road for me growing up. I am only going to be 23 and it was quite the experience. Lets go through a few questions...

Best Past Memory (any age, any memory):
It would be going to the beach with my Grandfather and Grandmother. Yeah crazy I know... I would pick any damn memory I want in life, the birth of my kids or anything and I choose this. I choose this cause I was little, not a brat, and by far in love with the only man in my life (My Gpa). ahaha I swore to god he was going to walk me down the isle and be there for me..... I swore it...(tears)... but illness got to him.... anyways.... the beach was before Cancer got him... before I was too "grown" in my eyes to spend time with him and my grandmom. I mean I still have times with my grandmother but not like we use to. I really love them, I miss him tons and love her a TON. Best memories would be of the beach when I was a perfect little me and still his bestfriend...

Worst Memory (any age, any memory):
Well like above I explained my grandfather was sick. Most would think losing him is the WORST memory... not really. The by far worst was seeing him slowly dying. You knew in your mind and heart one day it would come, you knew one day you would have to say goodbye, you knew one day you would hear those Taps at his funeral.... but you just have to handle it and be strong right. I remember taking him snacks at night, icecream and pie..... back then we weren't as close as I wanted. So I would hurry home from school just to bring him a glass of water... or help him is anyway I could. I use to be so angry when he would be so sick and not want anything (selfish I know) but I enjoyed chatting with him and having him tease me about getting him stuff. Anyway... it was bad... seeing him slowly dying... weeks and months went by one time and he went from being cheery and happy to quiet and not doing anything. Not playing my gameboy (tetris) not wanting snacks, not eating, no more family dinners... no more family trips to the mountains... nothing... I guess you could say I was still his best friend even though we were grown apart... I let the immature teens get to me, but boy did I love him, still do, miss him tons..

Pretty intense past me.... but damn it was a good one... lets pray the future holds more good times and not so many bad... life is going to keep throwing crazy moments at me... and make me cry and break down... but damn I am strong and get back up and fight it away.

Rest Easy W.J.G - I miss you Pop.

until the next blogs post......